If It Means A Lot To You
by thesensualseductionofjaneeyre
Summary: Beast Boy has to leave again; songfic, BBxRae, "If It Means A Lot To You" by A Day To Remember, please read the author's note. T for language


**A/N: Why hello there :D**

**This is my first complete songfic, so feedback is appreciated. A couple things you need to know before reading; the song is "If It Means A Lot To You" by A Day To Remember, so it helps if you listen to the song, that way you would understand the break placements better, as they indicate a change in the point of view. Also, understanding the Nevermore episode and the conflict Cyborg had with Brother Blood is kinda important. If you already know the whole Brother Blood deal, we're just gonna pretend like he never blew up or whatever the hell happened to him ^^**

**ITALICS: Italics indicate either song lyrics or thoughts. When in Raven's point of view, the italics with quotes are her emotions talking, the ones without are just her. **

**Please enjoy and leave comments :)**

**DISCLAIMER: TEEN TITANS AND A DAY TO REMEMBER ARE NOT MINE. IF I HAD IT MY WAY THEY WOULD BE, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT. Seriously though, don't sue me D: I'd be pretty pissed off.**

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* * *

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**_"If It Means A Lot To You"_**

_ Hey Darling, I hope you're good tonight_

_ And I know you don't feel right when I'm leavin'_

_ Yeah, I want it but no, I don't need it_

_ Tell me something sweet to get me by_

_ 'Cause I can't come back home 'til they're singin'_

_ La, la la la, la la la_

_ 'til everyone is singin'…_

I hate doing this to her. I really, truly, honest to God sometimes wish we didn't have to be Titans anymore; that way, nothing would stop me from being by her side forever, like I promised her I would. I'm not the most intelligent guy in the world, but I know what we have will never change. We will never falter. We will never be bored of one another. We will never feel the need to adopt any type of living creature in order to prove what we have works.

Wow, I really know how to ruin a moment don't I? She doesn't like it when I tell her we'll be together forever. She thinks saying it over and over again will jinx everything, as if the moment she says it back the flower that was once us will wither away, becoming nothing more than a memory.

Surprised by my sudden ability to write fluidly? Me too. Raven did that to me. She's done a lot for me, almost more than I deserve. Despite everything that's going on, I'm determined to prove her wrong. We can and will last through it all.

* * *

"Gar, you can't be serious about going with him, can you?" Raven couldn't stop herself from asking the same question she'd been repeating for the past week, even though she already knew the answer; it was the same every time.

"Rae, you know I wouldn't let Cy go looking for Blood by himself, he might do something stupid. Even if he IS leader of the search party."

"Cyborg has the capability of possessing more stupidity than you? That's quite a feat."

"Really? You want me to remember one of the last things you said to me for three months as insulting?" Beast Boy was becoming more and more agitated as 5:00 crept closer. Raven was just trying to lighten the mood a little bit. Over the years since Raven and Beast Boy started dating, they began to resemble each other more and more. They often found themselves in situations such as this, in which their personalities seemed to switch for brief moments of time. No one in Titan Tower minded; everyone saw the change as one of the best things that had ever happened to the team. Raven had become more lighthearted while Beast Boy had matured a great deal; he still found himself playing pranks on his teammates from time to time, but he had also become more mellow overall. When battling some of Jump City's worst villains, the couple had shown that when together their powers had become even more powerful, and had even fed off each other. They had also gained complete control over their powers. Beast Boy could kiss her without a random object in the room exploding like when they first started dating. Acting as one unit, Raven and Beast Boy had become unstoppable.

Staying true to her trademark straight face, Raven let out the smallest of sighs. "I know I can't keep you from going, but since I won't be there, I can't keep you from doing something completely ridiculous and idiotic either." She said this every time he went on a manhunt with Cyborg, and every time she said it, she hoped it would at least make him think about what he was doing out in battle.

"Almost as ridiculous as our first date? Ah! What's that Rae? Are you… Are you smiling?" he said with a sly grin. He knew just mentioning that day nearly ten years ago brought back some of her worst and best memories. Raven tried everything she could to retain her passive expression, but in the end, failed miserably. She couldn't help but laugh.

"Bring it up again, and there won't be enough of you for Cyborg to take with him."

"Is that a challenge? In that case, I most definitely accept." Raven had to laugh again at the innuendo she had set herself up for. She had been doing that more since she started dating Beast Boy.

Their first date. Damn him. He had to bring that up now of all times didn't he? It had been the most humiliating day of her life. A fifteen year old Beast Boy had somehow managed to drag a protesting Raven into a local karaoke bar, and proceeded to dedicate the most God awful Miley Cyrus song to her. In front of nearly two hundred people, it had taken everything Raven had possessed not to send him into another dimension right then and there. The worst part about the whole experience, was that she had been, flattered. That date confirmed one of Raven's biggest fears; Not only was she stuck with a green skinned changeling that enjoyed nothing more than causing what seemed like downright misery to her at the time, but she had actually… fallen in love with him? At the time, nothing made sense to her. After eight years of utter bliss, Raven had to admit, that night had also been one of the best nights of her life.

He stopped packing for a moment and walked over to his bed, where his violet-eyed beauty sat staring back at him. One kiss was all it took to momentarily ease their growing anxiety. Raven stood and latched onto him for dear life, as if her hug would keep him rooted to that spot on his bedroom floor until the end of time. Beast Boy couldn't help but feel guilty; this was the most emotion and affection she had shown him since he told her he would be going on yet another wild goose chase almost three weeks ago. It was safe to say that those had been the most agonizing three weeks of their relationship. He felt an angry pair of emotional hands tugging down on his chest, releasing even more guilt and sadness that he had been holding back.

"Gar, you don't have to go."

"You're right, I don't; but Cy needs someone to be there for him now more than ever."

"Whatever happened to you saying we would be together forever? You won't be there for me when you're gone." She absolutely hated bringing "forever" into the conversation. Robert Frost had once written "Nothing Gold Can Stay," and she held fast to that belief. However, desperate times call for desperate measures, and she was pretty desperate right now

Beast Boy looked her in the eye and saw everything she wouldn't show. Fear. Sorrow. Anxiety. Hurt. Abandonment?

That last one made the emotional hands angrier, causing them to pull his chest down even lower.

"Rae, it doesn't matter where I am, you know that I'm always there with you. When you go to sleep at night, don't see the empty pillow next to you; see that wrinkles that I helped create on that pillowcase. When your hands feel empty, feel my devotion to you fill them instead. You know I love you, and I would never do anything to hurt you. So I'm giving you the Beast Boy scout's honor that I will come back in one piece." Raven almost started to tear up. Almost. Thankfully, Brave had shown up and managed to pull the tears back behind her eyes. She could also feel Happy laughing in the background.

"You wrote that before I came in the room didn't you?"

"I did actually, but my girl deserves nothing but the best, and the best takes a LOT of thought. I don't know how you people do it everyday!" Raven then gave him the greatest gift he had received in a long time; Her heartwarming smile and million-dollar laugh.

_ If you can wait 'til I get home_

_ Then I swear to you, that we can make this last_

_If you can wait 'til I get home_

_ Then I swear come tomorrow this will all be in our past_

_It might be for the best..._

_

* * *

_

_Hey Sweetie, I need you here tonight_

_ And I know that you don't wanna be leavin'_

_Yeah, you want it but I can't help it_

_ I just feel complete when you're by my side_

_ But I know you can't come home 'til they're singin'_

_ La, la la la, la la la_

_ 'Til everyone is singin'_

_La, la la la, la la la…_

I hate it when he does this to me. Going out on all these extra missions is going to catch up with him one day… and me if something happens to him.

I've always wanted to go with Gar on the manhunts to make sure he stays safe. I know better than anyone how rash he can be. However, Robin insists that I remain at the tower. After all, who would be there to heal them when Starfire decides to make another exploding Tamaranean dish?

That was a joke. Get it? I've been making those since Gar officially became a part of who I am. I've been smiling as well, and laughing, and feeling well, Happy.

But he's not here. He's out there with Cyborg.

I'd give anything to have him here with me.

* * *

Things were always duller at Titan Tower when its two most charismatic inhabitants were gone. During these times, Robin, Starfire, and Raven tried even harder to stick together and keep each others' minds occupied. Raven was relieved when the familiar flashing red lights signaled an emergency in the city. She was getting sick of Uno. Every time the lights flashed, she was again reminded of Beast Boy and Cyborg. They were in unspeakable danger while the remaining three Titans remained safe and sound inside their fortress. Raven couldn't help but feel guilty.

_When you go to sleep at night, don't see the empty pillow next to you; see the wrinkles that I helped create on that pillow case…_

As lame as his poetry could be sometimes, but the fact that he actually put his thoughts onto the piece of paper he had concealed in his sleeve the day he left was, indeed, precious.

Beast Boy was right; he was always with her.

_If you can wait 'til I get home_

_ Then I swear to you, that we can make this last_

_ If you can wait 'til I get home_

_ Then I swear come tomorrow this will all be in our past_

_ It might be for the best._

_

* * *

_

The further Beast Boy and Cyborg traveled east, the heavier the green man's heart became.

What's in there, a lead brick?

The dry joke from his inner self did little to console him. It actually made him feel worse.

Left alone with his thoughts, Beast Boy would have most likely been killed in the crossfire if Cyborg hadn't saved him for the third time since the manhunt began.

"WHAT THE HELL YA DOIN' B? THERE'S A CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER WITH TWENTY COPIES OF ME, AND YOU'RE GONNA STAND AROUND WAITIN' FOR A NEWBORN FAWN TO START SUCKIN' YOUR LEFT TIT? GET. YOUR. HEAD. IN. THE. GAME!"

"Well that's kinda hard considering everyone thinks I don't have one anyway! MAYBE YOU SHOULD WORK ON YOUR 'DANGER' SIGNALS, PAL!"

Even throughout the rant, Beast Boy almost didn't notice that they had been buried in the rubble of a building that he had been leaning against just minutes before. However, Cyborg had every right to verbally tear his ass; Beast Boy's easily distracted mind had almost gotten both of them killed, and this wasn't the first time it had happened.

_It's like I… I don't know, did I just mentally black out there?_

It had only been a minute, but the Titans treasured nothing more than just that. For the Titans, a minute could either pull their plans together perfectly, or completely sabotage it from the inside out. A minute could either save hundreds of lives, or be the cost of thousands.

The battle against Brother Blood's Cyborg replicas continued as it usually did; Cyborg would hit all the weak spots with his canon while Beast Boy charged in as various animals, tearing the remaining pieces to shreds.

After the battle was done, Beast Boy transformed into his pterodactyl form and flew Cyborg to a cave high in the cliffs that were just a few miles away from the city they were just in. Beast Boy stopped keeping track of where they were, that was Cyborg's job, and he honestly didn't care anymore. All he cared about was getting back to Raven in one piece, and that was becoming harder every day.

"Tell me what's eatin' ya B." Cyborg seemed to have recovered from his fit of rage on the field, and was showing true concern for his smaller green friend. He watched Beast Boy's face scrunch up in slight pain as the orange glow from the fire illuminated the small cave and left eerie shadows on his face.

"It's everything Cy. I'm sorry I keep zoning out on you, but it's like… I don't know, it's like my mind blacks out for a minute without me knowing what's going on."

"Is that any different than the regular you? 'Cause I'm not really seein' the difference." Cyborg replied with a slight chuckle. Cyborg knew there was more bothering him; he just had to dig it out of the stubborn bastard.

"Look Cy, I'm never like this when Raven's with me. When I'm with her, my senses are off the charts, my balance is always dead center, it only takes a blink of an eye for me to transform, and I don't constantly feel lightheaded or like I'm about to puke me tofu all over Blood's robots."

"My experience in life has confirmed that tofu makes people hurl anyway; that part's not you, it's the food."

"Alright funny man, forget it, I'm done talking to you. I try being serious for ONCE and you make fun of my lifestyle? That's like punching a homeless guy in the face repeatedly and then calling him ugly." With that said, Beast Boy turned away from Cyborg, allowing the fire to warm him back. They sat in silence for a moment as Cyborg struggled to find the right words.

"Look B, I didn't mean anything by it, I was just trying to lighten the mood. I know why you're not exactly at peak performance-"

"Woah dude, you sound like a Viagara commercial."

"And you're getting' mad at me for tryin' to lighten the mood?" Cyborg was right. No matter what mood Beast Boy was in, he couldn't stop himself from making those sort of comments. As he grew older, he had completely forgotten that he was doing it, creating a frustrating scenario for him; he could never keep an argument serious.

"Anyway Dr. Cy, what do you prescribe?" Bitter sarcasm was the only thing he had left to comfort him. It made him think of Raven.

"Well you and Raven are always together. At home, in battle, and every time you leave, I think a little part of you becomes weaker." There was a silence that resonated from the cave walls, making the break in conversation even more eerie as the two continued to think. It had seemed an eternity before Cyborg spoke again.

"B, if you're gettin' weaker, I need you to go home; I won't be responsible for your death. I can always have someone from Titans East-"

"No way Cy. You need someone to make sure you don't do something stupid when Blood comes around. I'm fine, see?" Beast Boy stood up and transformed into a wolf faster than Cyborg could process what was going on. He snarled and howled at the moon, hoping to convince his companion he was perfectly capable of being in battle and keeping a hold over his powers.

"Well if your powers are so fine and dandy now, why did you say all those things about your powers earlier?" Returning to his human form, Beast Boy stood, never taking his eyes from Cyborg's real one.

"I'll be fine. I refuse to let anything hold me back. The sooner we get Blood, the sooner we can go home." There was another silence as both silently agreed that it was time to get some sleep. Beast Boy laid down in his sleeping bag and gathered all the strength he had not to wince from the pain radiating from all of his limbs; he thought that the wolf would be the easiest to change into, but he had clearly been proven wrong as blood gushed from the new laceration he obtained on his left shoulder from the morph. He refused to let Cyborg see his pain. After all, the sooner they found Blood, the sooner he would get to go home.

He just hoped that the blood that would be spilled wouldn't be his own.

* * *

_ You know you can't give me what I need_

_And even though you mean so much to me_

_ I can't wait through everything…_

It had been six months. Beast Boy had promised her three. Six months of zero contact, zero communication, zero joy…

_"Quit thinking like that Raven, you're not fifteen anymore. Besides, you HAVE been Happy, even since he left."_

_"Knowledge is right Rae, you need to make the best of it! Trust me, if something happened you would know."_

_"But Happy, what if our powers don't reach that far?"_

_"Shut up Timid. Depressed, quit giving her ideas!"_

_"But it's always a possibility, even Honesty said so."_

_"Quit twisting my words; just because it's a possibility doesn't mean it's going to happen."_

_Well, I'd rather hear that from Honesty than Depressed._

_"No one likes me, do they?"_

_"Shut up Depressed."_

Raven constantly had to settle these arguments between her emotions while she meditated. There were a few times in which the headaches got so bad, she actually had to venture into her Nevermore mirror. Happy, was of course, always thrilled to see her, but Depressed always hid in the shadows.

Despite her constant internal war, Raven was still the crown champion of pretending she was fine, even though she didn't laugh much anymore. Even when she was alone, she never let herself cry; that would be an insult to Gar's name.

_"Raven, please let just a few tears out. Brave's arms are getting tired from holding them back for so long."_

_"You're one to talk, Depressed, you could at LEAST help me keep them back!"_

_"That's not in my jurisdiction. Why not ask Happy?"_

_"Someone say my name? Oh Brave, why are you doing this all by yourself? Let me help!"_

Brave and Happy were the two most comforting emotions to Raven; Brave had incorporated herself into every aspect of Raven's life, and Happy always reminded her of how much her and Gar meant to each other. However, Raven had been hearing rumors from Fear that Depressed was growing stronger.

She didn't know how much longer she could wait for him. Sure, she pretended she was fine. Sure she pretended that the three-month extension didn't bother her. Sure she acted like she didn't need Gar to hold her together. The question here was,

How much longer could she keep it together without him?

* * *

_Is this really happening?_

_ I swear I'll never be happy again_

_ And don't you dare say we can just be friends_

_I'm not some boy that you can sway…_

It had been six months. He had promised her three. He felt like the biggest liar that this good green Earth was forced to endure, one even worse than pollution. In the past couple months, Beast Boy and Cyborg had joined forces with the Titans East in order to increase their defenses. Their searching, however, remained static' every time they found something, a new wave of robots would hit them and it would be lost again. Beast Boy quit getting his hopes up months ago. The only thing he felt he had left was the promise he had made to Raven.

_"-So I'm giving you the Beast Boy Scout's honor that I will come back in one piece."_

Raven. That's all he thought about anymore. Even when they were searching for Brother Blood, Beast Boy only had his mind set on her. As a bloodhound, he would sniff the air, in hopes of finding any scent that vaguely reminded him of her.

* * *

Cyborg noticed Beast Boy's joyful nature had slowly deteriorated over the last few months. At first Beast Boy did everything he could to keep the morale high; now he seemed to be a completely different person. The random jokes were the first to go, then the laugh, then the smile altogether. He seemed weaker too. Cyborg was accustomed to Beast Boy transforming from a fly into an elephant in less time it took to blink. Now his transformations took almost a full minute, and every time he morphed seemed to cause him more and more pain. Cyborg saw this, but Beast Boy refused to admit to his pain. The more Cyborg thought about Beast Boy's situation, the more he began to put the pieces together.

_He lied to me in the cave. I don't know how he managed that morph, but I know for a fact he didn't walk away from it without suffering any pain. He'll be the death of himself._

Cyborg had made his decision. He valued the life of his best friend more than the death of his worst enemy.

* * *

Beast Boy sat by the fire, attending to yet another wound he had received on his right arm. He had been caught mid-morph by one of the robot's missiles, not only causing him damage to his human arm, but to his eagle wing as well. He never kept track of how many injuries he had received over the last few months, but he knew it had to be well over one hundred. Blood's robots had been coming in swarms lately, and Beast Boy did the best he could to keep up. He couldn't help but feel grateful towards Bumblebee and Aqualad for joining them; he and Cyborg would surely be dead by now had it now been for them. Most of the time he felt like it was too much for him to handle; too much for him to handle without Raven.

He didn't look up as Cyborg took a seat next to the injured changeling sitting next to the fire. While everyone else played cards or talked during their relaxation time, Beast Boy just stayed my the fire, hoping to find something within the flames. He barely even noticed Cyborg was there until he started to speak.

"You're gonna get yourself killed out there and you know it. I know you lied to me at the cave a few months ago. You got real lucky during this last battle, boy."

"I'm fine."

"No you're not. I'm sending you home." Beast Boy took a moment to take in what had just taken place. He was being sent home.

Beast Boy responded with a snarl ,"What's wrong Cy, ain't I good enough to fight with you? Am I holding you back? Am I-"

"Shut the hell up Grass Stain, you're puttin' words in my mouth. I'm sending you home because I value the life of my closest friends more than the death of someone who doesn't even deserve my time. You had better start packing your bag, 'cause you're going home, and that's an order."

Beast Boy was furious at the thought of Cyborg losing faith in him, but that feeling quickly vanished as the order he received from Cyborg finally sunk in.

* * *

_We knew it'd happen eventually_

More flashing red lights. Another robbery.

_Why do the thieves in this city even BOTHER?_

Another typical day. Another typical case. Another day without Beast Boy. Raven shuddered as she thought of how monotonous her life had become since Beast Boy left. In a futile attempt to celebrate their victory over the bank robbers (which, according to Raven, was similar to celebrating the daily ritual of brushing teeth) Starfire had dragged both her and Robin to a local café, and made plans to go to the new movie that had just been released in theaters. Raven concentrated on sipping her coffee as she felt a slight tingling in her head.

_"I don't know why Raven, but I think we should go home as soon as possible!"_

_"Why? So she can make pancakes to make her feel better? Bullshit."_

_"Shut your mouth Angry. Happy has obviously sensed something back at home."_

_"RAVEN, WE HAVE TO GO NOW!"_

"SHUT UP ALREADY!"

"Friend Raven, I only asked if you would like some more cream in your coffee, for you are drinking most black indeed."

"Yeah Raven, are you ok?" Starfire and Robin were two of the most understanding people she had ever met. They knew something was wrong, and they weren't afraid to ask her about it.

"I'm sorry, my emotions are having another argument. Happy wants me to go home."

"From what I have heard about Happy is that she is also a close friend to you! Should you not take her advice and return home?"

"I don't know, I don't really feel like being alone right now."

_"DAMMIT RAVEN, YOU WON'T BE ALONE!"_

She felt a piercing stab behind her right eye. She had never felt Happy become so impatient before, even… angry.

"On second thought, I had better head home. I don't want my mind to wage war on itself in the middle of this fine establishment." She winced as she held her eye, feeling as if it would pop out of the socket if she didn't.

"You're head is hurting again, is it not? I have left some of my Tamaranean home remedies in the refridgorator if you would like to try something new to ease your pain!"

"Thanks for the offer Star, but I think I'll pass." The last six months had affected Starfire as well; instead of talking with Cyborg and Beast Boy when Raven and Robin weren't available, she decided to "perfect" her cooking.

"Are you sure you don't want us to go with you? We can always do to the movie at a different time, and-"

"Not thank you Robin; you and Star need some alone time anyway."

Raven left the café and started to make her way home; no goodbyes, no second glances, just her trying to enjoy the cool evening breeze around her as she flew over Jump City's skyline. Her eye had stopped throbbing, since Happy seemed to be getting what she had wanted.

_"Raven, relax; being completely Happy isn't nearly as hard as you think it is."_

_What makes you so sure?_

_"I just have a feeling. Trust me; tonight changes everything."_

_"Keep you're head up Rae; don't be afraid of what she says; you're much more valiant than that."_

_Thanks Brave._

Raven still had no idea just how much everything really was about to change until she opened the door to Titan Tower.

She felt what Happy was sensing.

* * *

Beast Boy was getting the most satisfying sleep he had ever experienced in his entire life. The painful flight home was definitely worth the broken wing.

Her bed still smells the same.

The first thing he had done upon arriving at the tower was look for Raven. The first place he checked was her room; he didn't get far in his search as he collapsed on her bed in a corpse-like manner. Asleep for almost an hour, he unknowingly spoke during his slumber.

"I'm home, Rae."

* * *

Raven stood in the hallway outside her bedroom, unsure of what to make of the feeling that resided behind the sliding door.

_"I believe in you Raven, open the door-"_

Brave's sentence was cut short by a voice so faint, it could barely be heard over the buzzing of the fluorescent lights that hung overhead. This voice was all too familiar, and was definitely not her own.

"I'm home Rae."

And so she opened the door…

_La, la la la, la la la_

_Now everybody's singin'_

_La, la la la, la la la_

_Now everybody's singin'_

_(If you can wait 'til I get home)_

_La, la la la, la la la_

_Now everybody's singin'_

_(Then I swear we can make this last)_

_Now everybody's singin'_

She tried to be quiet as she slipped into a sleeping Beast Boy's arms, heavily bandaged. He stirred slightly and opened his eyes so that they were barely slits. He knew he was home. All he needed to be home were the eyes staring back at him.

"Gar, ya wanna know something?"

"Yeah, I do."

"I know for a fact that we'll be together forever."

"How do you know?"

"I just have a feeling."

_If you can wait 'til I get home_

_Then I swear we can make this last_

_Now everybody's singin' La._


End file.
